What Kind of Life am I Living?

Today my thoughts are from the book of Proverbs. I used to love this book: I would have even called it my favorite book. But then life got hard and I put my Bible down. I forgot this: ‘My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight: they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck.’ (Proverbs 3:21,22). I did not do that. When my life got hard, I stopped reading my Bible. I forgot to stay close to God. I tried to solve things on my own, and when that did not work, I just started to live to please myself. And the only reason I am writing this today is that that did not work either. When we decide to live to please ourselves, we have ‘ceased to be wise’. Psalm 36:1-4 says this: ‘An oracle is within my heart concerning the sinfulness of the wicked: There is no fear of God before his eyes. For in his own eyes he flatters himself too much to detect or hate his sin. The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful; he has ceased to be wise and to do good. Even on his bed he plots evil; he commits himself to a sinful course and does not reject what is wrong.’ This is hard to admit, but there was a time that I did not even ‘detect or hate’ my sin. When we go on in a sin, we allow ourselves to be deceived more and more. After a while, we are entangled in something. That was me.

But here is the good news: it is not too late for me to be wise again. I was living a wise life once, then a foolish life, and now I am living a wise life once again. How do I know this? Because I have turned my back on everything that was bad in my life. It is not there anymore. Not even a little bit. I have no secrets, and I am living my life out in the open. I just finished reading Beth Moore’s book: When Godly People Do Ungodly Things. And she said this: if you really belong to Christ, it will be impossible for you to continue in sin. At some point, you will be like the prodigal son who ‘came to his senses’. I remember the day that I had this thought: ‘if I am ever going to be happy, I know it will have to be with God.’ I was not particularly excited about that thought, but I knew it was true. And now, 3 years later, I realize that that thought came to me from God Himself. How awesome is that! And not only that, He began to open my eyes to the good things He has in store for me. Around May of 2019 I memorized Psalm 19. And now I realize that God prompted me to memorize it. It is full of promises that I am claiming for myself: ‘The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy, making wise the simple.’ (v7b) and this one: ‘Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then I will be blameless, innocent of great transgression.’ (v12,13). And Beth Moore was explaining that it is possible to live a blameless life! Not a perfect, sinless life, but a blameless life because we have not allowed a sin to control us. Or because we have stopped allowing a sin to control us. So, when I read this in her book, I had already memorized this Psalm, and I knew it was true. The Holy Spirit confirmed that in me as soon as I read it, and I am so thankful that this word was already in my heart.

So, I have been reading Proverbs for a few days. I was already thinking about how to define wisdom, but then I noticed that we can also define foolishness. And if we look at our lives, we are living only one of two ways. Our life is headed in a certain direction, and we would do well to take a hard look at the path we are on. At least, this is what God prompted me to do in my own life.

Here are some things that describe a wise person. This is not an exhaustive list, but I think we will get the idea. Signs of a wise life:

-they fear the Lord. This means that we have a healthy reverence for the One who created us. And therefore, we desire to honor Him.

-they have a knowledge of the Holy One. There was a time I had no knowledge of Him, and no desire for it. I did not know who Jesus really was….and now, I spend a lot of time in the Gospels so I don’t lose sight of His compassion and love for me.

-they understand what is right, just, and fair.

-they have discretion, they know what should or should not be done in any situation.

-they stay on the straight path: they only take ways that are firm. If it is gray, or worse, they avoid it.

-they shun evil. They persistently reject it.

-they accept the Lord’s discipline and do not resent His rebuke because they know that the Lord loves them.

-they honor the Lord with their wealth

-they are men of peace. (One day my husband came up to me and said: I think God wants me to be a man of peace. And I have seen him changing more and more in this area! And I reminded him of this promise: ‘there is a future for a man of peace.’ (Ps 37:37))

-they possess sound judgment and discernment: they do not let them out of their sight because they stay in the Word, close to God.

-they do not withhold good from those who deserve it.

-their speech is gracious: they know what is fitting to say.

-they are humble.

I am looking at my life and desiring to grow more and more in these areas. I have made so many changes! I now guard what goes into my mind, and I have noticed that the more I do that, the more it protects what comes out of my mouth. And I am desiring to have a right relationship with everyone I know. I want people to see the joy I have found, and the fact that God is leading my life. I am asking Him to keep my desire for His word growing until the day I meet Him face to face.

And here is what I notice describes the foolish person. Many of these described me during my season of wandering away from the Lord! Signs of a foolish life:

-they are loud, they chatter

-they never stay at home (not content to be there)

-they are defiant

-they ignore correction

-they are liars

-they conceal their hatred (this is the same as lying in God’s eyes)

-they are unable to hold their tongue

-they are violent

-they take pleasure in evil conduct

-their talk is perverse: it is all that comes out. (Speaking from personal experience: once you allow yourself to go there, it can be difficult to reign it in. But with God’s help, it can be done, and you can enjoy a renewed innocence. It will be part of changing the people you hang out with and the things you put into your mind.)

-they are unfaithful. They cannot be trusted.

-they are filled with evil desires, which then entrap them.

-they destroy others with their mouth.

-they gossip.

-they show no discretion. Anything goes.

-they delight in evil: they delight in doing wrong.

-they rejoice in the perverseness of evil

-they walk in dark ways; they are devious in their ways.

-they are proud; they are arrogant

-they deny the existence of God.

Maybe you do not see yourself in this list. Maybe you think: ‘well, I don’t deny God!’ But if any of these describe your life, then you are living as if you deny the existence of God. I do not say this to condemn anyone, because so many of these were true of me when I felt that God had let me down! I turned my back on truth because of my husband’s addiction and the problems it caused in my life. And when I did that, these things began to define my life too. And Satan had me right where he wanted me: believing lies. That is the worst thing we can do! Because as soon as we believe the first lie, we are ready to believe the next one. But my story is one of hope. Remember when I had that thought: that I would only be happy with God? Well, God is the God of second chances. When I asked God to open my eyes, He met me there. So, if you are in a position like I was, and trapped in anything because of some sinful choices you made, do this: seek God! Keep doing it! Take Him at His word, and He will become real to you! And then you will realize like I did that being right with God is better than anything that I could ever choose in this life. He has good planned for me! I have a future that I am going to love…but I do not get to know exactly what that looks like: I just need to trust Him. And when I read my Bible and get to know Him, then I realize that He IS trustworthy! So, this is my prayer: that He would continue to open the eyes of my heart. That I would continue to remember that ‘what is seen is temporary, and what is unseen is eternal.’ That He would ‘teach me to number my days so that I can present to Him a heart full of wisdom.’ And I hope that is your prayer too.