God & Marriage
It was 2017 and my marriage was a mess. Yet for some reason I felt compelled to read my Bible. It wasn’t really on my radar to read through the whole Bible but one day I realized I had already read through it three times. I just got sucked in. I realized while reading that Satan does not want us to read our Bibles…because when we start to learn about the truth, we start to believe it, and that is when the enemy begins to lose control of our lives. Which, in my case, he DID have control. (I write about that somewhere else). So, the first time I read it through I did not start at the beginning, I started in the book of John. That was by accident. ( Looking back, that is where the Holy Spirit prompted me to start.) That is when I began to see who Jesus was- who He still is!!
All of this prompted me to read the other gospels, so I could see the different perspectives from people who had literally been with Jesus. And then the rest of the New Testament, also written mostly by people who had walked with Jesus! So, I got some colored pencils and started highlighting things that jumped out at me. And when I finished Revelation, I started in the book of Genesis and was so excited to see how the old and new testaments fit together. (At least to begin to see.) The next time through I used colored ink and started writing in my Bible. And this time, I started writing down my thoughts more consistently. When I finished reading the Bible through for the first time, my daughter, Molly, asked me: Ok, mom, now that you have done that, what stood out the most to you about the Bible? I thought on it for a while and decided this: The Bible is a love letter. It is about the love of God that prompted Him to not only create man, but to create him to have a relationship with the living God. It is a story of God coming down to earth to die for the sins of the world so that we can have a relationship with Him forever.
But what about my sins? They are bigger than average. An extra pang of sadness for me is that I sinned at a time in my life when I should have known better. This is what the enemy whispered in my ear: It is for everyone else, but not you. Your sins are too big! But this is what I read yet again in the book of Malachi: “I the Lord do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. Ever since the time of your forefathers you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you”, says the Lord Almighty.” (Malachi 3:6). What a great promise! If we return to God, He will return to us. The benefits and blessings are endless. God’s favor, mercy, and grace poured out on us. Peace. Jesus is holding out His hand to us, all throughout the Bible. Even in Revelation when you think it is too late! “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me.” (Rev 3:20). Anyone can be a friend of God! He is holding out His hand to us! I want that. The other thing I noticed from reading the Bible, is how often God tells us not to be afraid, because He is with us. That does not mean that we will not face scary situations, but rather that we WILL face them, and we can conquer them simply by trusting in God. He is our Deliverer.
So today I wanted to comment on what I read in Malachi 2:10-16. God is talking about marriage, and how we have profaned the covenant of our fathers by ‘breaking faith with one another’. (Malachi 2:10)
One of the consequences of breaking faith with each other is that God will no longer pay attention to our offerings or listen to our prayers. If we are married, and we step outside of that in any way, it will put a wedge between us and God. Until it is confessed to God and renounced, it will continue to harm us, and to grow into a bigger and bigger problem. This is because we have an enemy who whispers lies to us, and when we fall for the first lie, we are more likely to fall for the next lie. It will only be the grace of God that opens our eyes and wakes us up. The truth is: an affair is a lie. The compliments, the empty flattery, the dissatisfaction with your spouse, or the feeling that you are ‘missing out’. The feeling that someone outside your marriage understands you so well! Wondering if God is somehow holding out on you. That ‘fun’ is somewhere else. That you are ‘in love’ with someone else. These are lies I believed until I began to also see that I was desperately miserable. I knew, deep down, that the only chance I had to be happy would to be found in knowing God. I knew that! To go against God’s word will be to lose. I knew that too. So, when I asked God to open my eyes (I write about that somewhere else too) He did! And so, I picked up my Bible and started to read. Well, this is what I discovered when I read my entire Bible: that God is good. That what He says is good. That He can be trusted, even when it does not seem like it. All I need to do is to do the right thing and He will take care of the rest. God has made us one, and He is not ok with us going outside of that. And why? “Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because He was seeking godly offspring.” (Malachi 2:15). He wants us to have children that will grow up to love Him, and that is not likely if we are not honoring each other in our marriage.
But this is the cool part. God is acting as the witness between the Israelites and their wives because “you have broken faith with her” (v14) but right after that, in verse 15 He says “So guard yourselves, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth”. And immediately after that he says this: “I hate divorce”, says the Lord God of Israel, “and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,” says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith.” (Malachi 2:16)
This is a difficult subject because God allows divorce in cases of marital unfaithfulness. And if that has happened it comes with a lot of pain and heartache for so many people. Anyone who has been touched by your life can also be hurt by your choices. But here is what I noticed: right after God tells them that He knows that they have broken faith, He tells them to guard themselves and do not break faith. In other words, do not break faith anymore. And I also think that a healed marriage is a powerful thing. Why? Because it is impossible to heal any relationship without the love of God poured out in our hearts. But if it is? What an example of how God forgives us! He does it out of love for us. and we can forgive each other because of the debt He has canceled for us. So, if possible, reconcile! Get a counselor and ask God to heal your marriage.
The other thing we never talk about from this passage is violence. God hates violence. Violence is physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something. But where does it come from? From our anger that we have not learned to control. We are told to “…rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.” (Colossians 3:8). If we do not take our anger to God and ask Him to change us, it will come out in unhealthy ways. If we stay married but full of anger and violence, God is still not honored. But when we ask Him to change us, and heal our relationships, He is honored. Forgiveness seems impossible sometimes, but the miracle is that if we have hearts that desire to forgive, He will help us to forgive each other. This might take some time, but if you are really seeking God it will happen! He will help you! And coming out on the other side of a wounded relationship and watching the healing all around is another miracle. It is a good thing to agree with God. That what He says is good really is good.
And just to be clear, this is not intended to be a condemnation of anyone who has been through a divorce. There are so many terrible things that happen in the world!! I know nothing. I do not have answers. And I have made some terrible choices and am grateful for God’s forgiveness in my own life. But, if you are in a situation that has a possibility of restoration, maybe just give it a chance. Do not rush into anything when you are in a place of pain. Separate if you need to but wait and see what God might do. And find someone to talk to who can help, a Christian counselor can be an objective person that will help both in the relationship. This was something that helped my own marriage heal. And this is something that my husband and I are now fond of saying “there is freedom after forgiveness.” I never dreamed we could be this happy after what we have been through.
I think I must add just one more thought: I am listening to Beth Moore talk about this very thing but from the book of Romans. And she is telling us that ‘as a man thinks in his heart, so is he’. As long as we agree with the enemy that we are trapped in some sin that we cannot get out of, in this case, something outside of marriage: then we will continue to act on it, even while we want to be free. We are trapped so long as we continue to believe the Lie. And in my case, that was when freedom began for me: when I began to believe that God was telling the truth, and that I can do what He says I can do! I stopped giving Satan free reign in my mind. When a bad thought would come into my mind, I no longer entertained it. I turned my thoughts back to Jesus and what He did for me on the cross. When I believed that I have been forgiven, and offered freedom, I now no longer desire to continue to wound the One who forgave me of so much. So, if you are in a similar situation to the one I found myself in, feel free to message me: I would love to be able to encourage you. I have been there.